THAT im a big gurl but like i know that. it gets irritating when your family members point out the obvious. like my mom is always like, “Franklin you need to work out on the days u dont go to school in the garage, do arobics”(ive been hearing that since i started middle school, im 18) and then my gradma on a constant bases ” your getting fatter”. i know that im getting bigger. i can tell. i know that they care. and ive told them countless times before that i know. and its just like they are picking a healing scab everytime they say something and it never heals leaving and emotionaly and mentaly scar. so i just reply saying ” I’ll throw up more” or “fine.. ill just have one cracker every two days” that shuts them up for like a day or two. but yeah… in a way i like being “thick” probably because i never knew how a “normal” weight person feels like. i would like to find out. and i prob will but its just irrating when families do that or even friends.
so when my family does that to my lilttle sister, i just tell her “Leslie you are fat….your P-H-A-T! and i snap my fingers lol that makes her laugh. and she does it too. so yeah lol.
Like seriously. i know somtimes plans never go the way you want them too but like every single time. Like I’m suppost to be doing stuff this weekend and all of a sudden one thing after another , get of my things to do list.(i dont have a list, but just saying) like. is this serious, were every damn weekend i do nothing because something happens.. so i stay at home watching t.v and falling asleep. or im over eating cuz theres nothing to do. or just watch porn because im bored.
like, i stoped being a hardcore planner like i used to be, i “go with the flow” once in a while. and nothing. grrr why?
im just end up doing sumthing crazy and on impulse… -_- -3-
to invest my life into doing somthing. yeah i have school…and i need to study and yeah i need to draw to get better… yeah i need to work out… but i wanna do somthing different. or maybe im just trying to find an excuse not do do the other stuff… lmao >_<
i just had a small fight with my mother beacuse i wanted to go thrift store shoping. and she dosent want me to
wtf? its like i cant do anything. with my life. everything is on reply. mon-sunday same shit like im soo pissed. i cant dye my hair. i cant go thrift store shoping. really? im so SICK of not doing anything. im 18. i can do what i want. can i have some fucking freedom! grrrr!!!!!
-_- btw. im still gonna go lol and i am going to dye my hair and get the two piercings and tattoos that i want. lmao
A firm believer in love.. i didnt care that i didnt have anyone, i just loved the fact that one day i will fall in love.
i did fell in love and it was the most amazing thing. head over heals.. then then in the end i was left picking up the broken sharp pieces
and now that im “healed” i still linger that affection that my heart aches for. and still no one. i’ve been a bitch and not letting the people who find me attractive get to know me, because i dont like them.
and when i tried being a “slut”.. nothing a got a couple of guys. but it wasnt serious. their was always somthing that got in the way that prevented me from lossing it.
18 and still a virgin. im proud. but at moments i wish i would have lost it.
and now… well i dont believe in love. im back where i started after i was done picking up the pieces listing to “Me Myself and I- by Beyonce” over and over again. i only have myself ofcourse i have my family. but they dont fill up that love i want from another person. i guess its not my time. but i wish it was. i want to get butterflies in my stomach to scared to make the first move. always covering my face when someone i like makes me laugh
sigh. i miss that. but i guess i have to live with it for a while…maybe years.. idk i need to work on myself forget these thoughts
do somthing usefull i dont need a man to make me happy. i didnt before
sigh, :/ oh well. im going to end this. and just smile not those empty smiles where people think your happy, the ones where people KNOW that your happy.